Forgiveness, Grace, and Mercy

Lesson 6 in the Man of God series

“I forgive you. You took something very precious from me. I will never talk to her again. I will never, ever hold her again. But I forgive you. And have mercy on your soul.”

These were the words of Nadine Collier. She was speaking to the 21-year-old white man who had walked into a black church just days earlier and killed 9 people… including the pastor of the church and also, Ethel Lance, Nadine’s mother. Several family members spoke at the shooter’s court hearing, and they all said basically the same thing; “I forgive you.” 

Has anyone ever hurt you so much that you thought you’d never be able to forgive them? When people wrong you, is your first instinct to show love or revenge? 

This lesson will define the difference between forgiveness, grace, and mercy, and teach the importance of each to a man of God. 

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Part 1: Learn to Forgive 

People have often turned to the Bible for guidance on how to treat other people. One idea people have found in the Bible is “an eye for an eye.” It is based on an ancient commandment from God. 

“...the punishment that must be paid is life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, and bruise for bruise.” -Exodus 21:23-24

Many people use this lesson to excuse hurting people who have hurt us. However, this command from God was not a guideline for dealing with personal conflict. It was a law to help guide our justice system. Rather than taking the law into our own hands, God expects us to use the proper legal system to find resolution when we’ve been wronged. We’ll get back to this in a moment. First, let’s address how we feel when people have wronged us. 

We all know what it’s like to be physically or emotionally hurt by things people have done or said to us. That hurt often turns into a feeling of anger and a desire to seek revenge. However, God wants us to replace that feeling with one of forgiveness. Forgiveness means changing the way we feel about the person who hurt or wronged us. It means suspending or moving past our anger to the point that we can truly feel love for that person. 

Every man of God should forgive others, because every man of God has needed forgiveness for our own sins. That’s what makes us men of God. We have accepted God’s forgiveness. However, Jesus made it clear that we cannot be receivers only. 

“Yes, if you forgive others for their sins, your Father in heaven will also forgive you for your sins. But if you don’t forgive others, your Father in heaven will not forgive your sins.”-Matthew 6:14-15

So, it’s important that we forgive others; but why? Why is it so important for us to forgive? 

Let’s address the angry heart and mind that seeks revenge. Why do we feel the need to harm the people who have harmed us? Perhaps we think the feelings of hurt and anger will go away when we get our revenge. However, it usually doesn’t. It often gets worse and can turn very dark. On the other hand, loving others brightens our attitudes and gives us a comfortable peace that just feels better than walking around with heavy hate and resentment.     

As we’ve discussed before, God doesn’t just say to love the people who are good to us. We’re even supposed to love our enemies. So, while it may be tempting to harm those who harm us, can I really love them if I’m wishing them harm? 

That’s the main reason God wants us to forgive others. Sure, the people we forgive will probably feel better when we do it. Still, whether they care or not, it’s good for OUR hearts, and allows US to love others and God the way He desires. 

There are a lot of wrong ideas about forgiveness. One is that we should only forgive people when they apologize and ask for our forgiveness. However, Jesus demonstrated what it looks like to forgive others even while they were hurting him. 

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, because they don’t know what they are doing.” -Luke 23:34

Another misunderstanding is that we should only have to forgive people once. However, forgiveness is seldom a one time thing. One of Jesus’s disciples asked him about this.

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, when my fellow believer sins against me, how many times must I forgive him? Should I forgive him as many as seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, you must forgive him more than seven times. You must forgive him even if he wrongs you seventy times seven. -Matthew 18:21-22

Most experts agree that Jesus wasn’t giving an exact number (490 times). He was just saying that some people will hurt us and need our forgiveness many times. Before we start screaming how unfair that is, let’s remember how many times we’ve sinned and needed God’s forgiveness. The number is probably too many times to count. 

One more incorrect idea about forgiveness is that we have to “forgive and forget.” While it’s true that love keeps no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5), that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be wise when choosing who we’re going to put our trust in and how. 

“The wise see danger ahead and avoid it, but fools keep going and get into trouble.” -Proverbs 22:3

Listen, I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. So be as clever as snakes and as innocent as doves.” Matthew 10:16

There’s an old expression “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.” While the saying is not found in the Bible, there is a lot of truth in it. Yes, we should always be ready to forgive, but we should also learn from past offenses. 

The Bible makes it clear that we have a responsibility to forgive others. However, it doesn’t give a lot of direction as to how we forgive others. In reality, it’s sometimes hard to forgive no matter how hard we try.

Perhaps, the key to forgiving others is remembering three key truths. 

• First, remember that we were all made in God’s image (Gen. 1:27). 

• Second, remember that we have all sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). 

• Third, remember we are all in need of God’s forgiveness that only comes from faith in Jesus (Ephesians 2:8).   

Part 2: Learn Grace and Mercy

Even though we forgive, it doesn’t seem right for people to be able to hurt others without facing any punishment or consequences. God agrees. Remember, he said, “eye for an eye.” However, he doesn’t leave it to every man to right every wrong.  

“My friends, do not try to punish others when they wrong you, but wait for God to punish them with his anger. It is written: “I will punish those who do wrong; I will repay them,” says the Lord.” -Romans 12:19 

God often uses the law of the land to exact justice on the guilty.

“All of you must yield to the government rulers. No one rules unless God has given him the power to rule, and no one rules now without that power from God.” -Romans 13:1

Some people will face consequences for their sins while here on Earth. Others will be dealt with at their final judgement. 

"I will execute great vengeance on them with wrathful rebukes; and they will know that I am the LORD when I lay My vengeance on them."- Ezekiel 25:17

Only God knows who He will save and who will be delivered. Our hurt, angry hearts may want those who have wronged us to get what they deserve. However, how would we like to get what we deserve? Hopefully, in answering that question, we recognize that we have all been the recipients of God’s grace and mercy. 

• GRACE is when we get more blessings than we deserve.

• MERCY is when we don’t get all of the consequences that we do deserve.  

We have all received both grace and mercy from God through Jesus. Therefore, it is not our place to seek revenge on others. Instead, we should forgive others in our hearts and then show grace and mercy. Remember, being a man of God isn’t just about what we believe, it’s about what we do. One way to be different from the non-Christians in the world is by demonstrating grace and mercy even when most people would seek revenge. 

“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I tell you, don’t stand up against an evil person. If someone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other cheek also.” -Matthew 5:38-39

Jesus doesn’t want us to get beat up. He’s saying the best defense is a consistent offense of love and kindness. 

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink. Doing this will be like pouring burning coals on his head.” Do not let evil defeat you, but defeat evil by doing good.” -Romans 12:20-21

Do not do wrong to repay a wrong, and do not insult to repay an insult. But repay with a blessing, because you yourselves were called to do this so that you might receive a blessing.-1 Peter 3:9

Remember, God’s mercy spared us the suffering in Hell that we deserve, and His grace allows us to enjoy an eternity with Him in Heaven that we don’t deserve. 

“God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ — by grace you have been saved — and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus…” - Ephesians 2:4-6

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Conclusion

A man of God gets over hurt and anger in order to forgive others. He shows his forgiveness to others through grace and mercy, because that’s what God has done for us.